By Mark Harvey
_____Well, here I am again waiting outside for somebody to show up,
this time it’s at the movie theater. I apparently have this problem,
heaven-forbid, of showing up on time for things. I make this mistake
all the time, but what makes this worse, is how society treats you for
keeping your promise to be on time. The attractive girls walk by
pointing and giggling at this loser standing outside the entrance alone.
Next comes the couple that feels pity for this poor, lonely soul. At this
point my annoyance is turning to anger because I must endure the
continual, back and forth pacing, of this not-so-long walk of shame.
_____My only defense against the never ending stares of society are
the repeated long looks at my watch, in the hopes of making them
believe my MIA friend is still coming. But even the guy working the
ticket booth knows that this is a Hail Mary of last resorts. And even
the crazy bum who talks to his invisible friends and enemies says to
them, “things could be worse, I could be that guy over there.” Of
course what the bum fails to realize in his state, is that he’s right in
front of my face while he’s saying this. He then continues on his way,
contemplating who is the greater threat to him, pink elephants or the
purple dragons.
_____My friend was to meet me at 1:10 and the movie starts at 1:15,
which means I will now miss trailers to movies, that I will miss in the
future because I was stuck waiting out front. But worse yet, what if
something bad might happen because of my friend’s lateness; like at
1:16, a car drives up and a guy leans out and shoots me right there.
It could happen! The newspaper would get eyewitness accounts
saying the man died whispering over and over, “I was on time…I was
on time.” My still living friend would probably stand over my body
saying, “Good thing I was late, that could have been me.” But no,
that wouldn’t have happened because “we” would have been in our
seats you jackass!
_____Of course detectives would come to the scene and one would act
like the Lennie Brisco character form Law & Order, delivering a line at
the end of the introduction like, “I guess this guy won’t catch the
sequel.” Ha, ha, ha. People…I’m dead because of your lateness. Now
maybe if I was a stronger individual I could go to a movie by myself or
sleep without the night light on and this problem wouldn’t exist. So
it’s your fault society. Thank You.
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