Here are some of the funny end of the world jokes that we featured on this week’s free comedy podcast #216. To hear us tell these assortment of End of the World jokes, Judgments Day jokes, Armageddon jokes listen to the end of the show.
On a road through a desert in Arizona, a preacher named Nathaniel Evans walked every day, preaching to the many people who roared past in their cars. “Repent, the End of the World is Near!” he yelled.
One day, as he was walking, he came to a big lever in the middle of nowhere, just by the side of the road. It had a sign next to it that read, “Pull this to end the world”
Nathaniel saw this as the perfect spot for him to preach, and soon many automobiles were parked nearby. All was well, until there were so many people, and so many cars, that the road was nearly blocked. Then a big 18-wheel rig came down the highway, and couldn’t stop in time. The driver had a choice: run over Nathaniel, or run over the Lever.
As the driver later explained to the Highway Patrol, he had no choice. Pointing to the red smear on the road that used to be Nathaniel Evans, he said, “Better Nate than Lever.”
A Bible study group was discussing the unforeseen possibility of their sudden death. The leader of the discussion said, ” We will all die some day, and none of us really know when, but if we did we would all do a better job of preparing ourselves for that inevitable event.”
“Everybody shook their heads in agreement with this comment.”
Then the leader said to the group, “What would you do if you knew you
only had 4 weeks of life remaining before your death, and then the Great Judgment Day?”
A gentleman said, ” I would go out into my community and minister the Gospel to those that have not yet accepted the Lord into their lives.”
“Very good!” ,said the group leader, and all the group members agreed, that would be a very good thing to do.
One lady spoke up and said enthusiastically, “I would dedicate all of my remaining time to serving God, my family, my church, and my fellow man with a greater conviction.”
“That”s wonderful!” the group leader commented, and all the group members agreed, that would be a very good thing to do.
But one gentleman in the back finally spoke up loudly and said, “I would go to my mother-in-laws house for the 4 weeks.”
Everyone was puzzled by this answer, and the group leader ask, “Why your mother-in-law’s home?”
“Because that will make it the longest 4 weeks of my life!”
A doctor, a nurse, and the top executive of an HMO have died and are in line together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter appears to speak with them and asks them what good they have done in their lives.
Doctor: “I have devoted my life to the sick and needy and have had a part in caring for and healing thousands of people.”
St. Peter: “That’s great. Go ahead in to heaven. And what about you?”
Nurse: “I have supported the Doctor and his patients my entire life as an adult, etc…”
St. Peter: “Wonderful. Please proceed in with the Doctor. And what about you?”
HMO Executive: “I was the president of a very large Health Maintenance Organization and was responsible for the healthcare of millions of people all over the country.”
St. Peter: “Oh, I see. Please go on in . . . but you can only stay 2 nights!”
There was a long, long line of spirits at the gate waiting to get into heaven. Not all these spirits could fit into heaven, so the ones who died the worst death would be allowed in.
The first man in line started telling his story, ”Well, Peter, you see, I knew that my wife was cheating on me so I decided to come home early from work one day to catch them in action. I got home and searched all over but I couldn’t find him. Then when I walked out onto the balcony, there he was dangling off the darn thing by his fingertips. So I ran and got a hammer then started beating him with it and he fell. Well, the fall didn’t kill him, because he landed in a bush so I picked up the refrigerator and threw it on him. Although that killed him, the strain gave me a heart attack, and here I am.”
The next man came up and started his story. ”St. Peter, I always work out on my balcony on the 14th floor of my apartment building. I was on my bike one day and I fell off when it flipped. I sailed over the rail and I thought ‘Please God spare my life’ and he did. I caught on to a balcony below me. I was even happier when a man discovered me hanging there. But all of a sudden he started beating my hands with a hammer so I fell again. But the dear Lord saved me again when I landed in a bush. But I’m here now because the guy threw his refrigerator on top of me.”
It was now the third guy’s turn to start his story. ”Well, Peter, just picture this. I’m hiding butt naked in this married chick’s refrigerator…..”
Three friends die in a car accident, they go to heaven to an orientation. They are all asked, “When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?
The first guy says, “I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man.”
The second guy says, “I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in the lives of children.”
The last guy replies, “I would like to hear them say…….LOOK, HE’S MOVING!!!!!!!!!