Here are some of the funny divorce jokes that we featured on this week’s comedy podcast #215. Listen to the end of the show to hear us tell them.
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This guy called up his lawyer to tell him he was filing for divorce, and the lawyer inquired as to the grounds for the suit.”I’ve got grounds, all right,” sputtered the irate husband. “Can you believe my wife told me I’m a lousy lover?””That’s why you’re suing?” pursued his lawyer. “Of course not. I’m suing because she knows the difference.”
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“A recently divorced cowboy, who was wearing new, ill-fitting boots that he’d bought on sale, met an old friend at a singles party. While they were sitting down, sampling the pot luck, the friend heard the story of the breakup and asked, “Why did you divorce her? Mary was pretty and we all knew she was a good cook and housekeeper. Did she step out on you?” “No, I can’t give you a reason,” he said to his pal, as he removed his boots and gave a sigh of relief. “Maybe she was like these boots: fine-looking, loyal, and a good worker, but to look at them you couldn’t tell how much they hurt me.”
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Jill went to the bank and applied for a loan. “I want a loan, I’m going to divorce my husband.”
“Oh, we don’t give loans for divorces” the manager says, “We make loans for appliances, automobiles, businesses, home improvements….” Jill interrupts and says, “Well, this is certainly a ‘Home Improvement.”
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“Marriage is a strange phenomenon that happens to human beings. And the best part is, both the unmarried and the married are unhappy, though for radically opposite reasons, one for not being married, and the other for being married”
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Mary: Were your parents upset when you got a divorce?
Jill: Well, you know how parents are. My mother said, “SO! Is this how it’s going to be? Just one man after another for the rest of your life?”
Mary: Typical! What did you tell her?
Jill: I said, “Gee, I hope so!”
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