THINGS NEVER TO SAY TO A MAN – Funny Jokes: “Don’t be embarrassed. I’ve seen many more that are much smaller…”

Things Never to Say to a Man

Ok ladies, if you want to find and keep the man of your dreams there are just a few words and phrases that you should stray away from saying. Remember though, not all men are created equal. What might fend off one man may attract another. So, here are a few phrases you may want to think twice about before uttering, for they may strike a nerve in the “common” man. Personally, I have thick skin and wouldn’t mind hearing any of these things from a lovely lady. Actually, I wouldn’t mind hearing anything from a cute honey pie; anything at all. Read me the phone numbers in a telephone book and I’ll be happy. It would all be sweet nothings to me, but that’s another issue for another day.

  •  “Don’t be embarrassed. I’ve seen many more that are much smaller.” – I know you’re just trying to stroke his ego, but the last thing he wants to hear is how you’ve stroked many more than just his. 
  •  “It’s your personality, charm and sense of humor that attract me to you, not your looks.” –  The common man wants to hear that they look good first and foremost. Screw the rest. 
  •  “Honey its Sunday. It’s the Lord’s day. Let’s check out the Life Time network. Wouldn’t you rather watch women hugging than men tackling?” – No! Do not get in the way of a man and his football. Unless Life Time changes its programming restrictions and shows extremely hot women hugging butt naked in a tub of whipped cream and hot fudge most common men will never agree to this.
  • “Ya da ya da ya da ya da castration ya da ya da ya da.” Never mention this word to any man in any context under any circumstances.
  •  “I’ll be ready in 10 minutes.” Men value honesty.
  • “I love the beaches in Hawaii. The waters aren’t shallow and for the most part they’re clean enough to drink. You know, because I like it deep and I like to swallow without feeling like I’ve done something dirty.” Granted, you probably will never say this sentence, but the message is still the same. If you’re just trying to get to know a guy, be careful about leading him on. So, avoid the following words: deep, swallow, moist, erect, lick, bite, sausage, creamy, the number sixty-nine, clitoris, and any other word with sexual connotations. Remember the common man is not like me. He is dirty and perverse. 

 For further advice, check out these books on dating for women:

  • Why Men Love Bitches – Don’t you just love the title.
  • Men Are Like Fish – Catch your man with tips for this book.
  • Date Like A Man – Stop taking your love life so seriously and learn to have fun on your dates.
  • Master Dating – Felicia Rose Adler gives you great insight on men and relationships through her humorous analogies and anecdotes.
  • © 2004 My Hyena Inc.