Movie Rant

___Have you ever been to a movie and had to wait for your friends to
show up? And I don’t mean your standard five or ten minutes. I’m
talking the fifteen to twenty minute wait. You know what I mean…the
movie starts at 10:15, you’re there at 10, and they come strolling up
at 10:20 looking like nothing has happened, when in reality, all you
want to do is beat them to a bloody pulp? You stand outside the
theater, watching all these people walking by, and if you’re there more
than five minutes, you wind up looking like the “creepy uncle” type
who scopes out the theaters showing the latest Lindsay Lohan
‘ tweener schlock to look for the girls wearing too little and talking too

_____There are two types of “waiters” in the world. The first wait
patiently and jab you a bit once you arrive if you’re late. I’m not that
kind of waiter. I check my watch every thirteen seconds on the off
chance they might actually show up between now and the next time I
look at my watch. Of course, when do they show up? When I have
given up all hope of seeing the film and I start walking dejectedly
toward my car. That’s when my yahoo friends come driving up, telling
me that they’re late because they were trying to save a burning
opossum from the clutches of an evil botanist (you figure it out). Not
to mention all the people who look you up and down while you’re
waiting outside. There’s no possible way to look cool when you’re
leaning up against a poster of Brad Pitt’s latest movie about a gay man
posing as a gay man to win the heart of a straight woman (again, you
figure it out). American way!